Tuesday, 22 November 2016

Open Letter to Weight Monitoring Spirits


Dear Weight Watchers/Nigerians, 

First of all "You've added weight" is not a form of greeting. Secondly, we have mirrors, we bath ourselves everyday and cloth our bodies ourselves, if we've added weight, trust me, we know. Finally, if your "weight comment" is not positive, then shove it in between a patty so I can eat it. 

Why this rant? I've been getting a lot of comments on my weight, which I haven't noticed, except that my ass is getting bigger (thank you Jesus! If you're a friend you'll understand my obsession with having a bigger butt lol). Anyways, these days it's a salutation from people before hello and I just roll my eyes. Sometimes I play it off if we are cool, other times I ignore it. But really, what do you want me to do with your "you're getting/you've gotten fatter" comment? Since it came out of your mouth, please tell me, of what value is your comment? I don't go around commening on people's weight so why feel the need to do so on mine or anyone's for that matter?

Here's a sample preggo snap

If you're on my snapchat, then you must know that I'm fond of putting up my pregnant "food baby" picture and video when I've overfed. In my head it's a talent and probably what I would do if I were in a beauty pageant contest and it also gives me an idea of what I would look like when I'm pregnant. And if I do say so myself, I'm gonna have a cute ass bump! Anyway, back to the matter. It fascinates a lot of my friends that I can push my tummy out that much to look 3/4 months pregnant. So last weekend in Jos, after overfeeding my fine ass, I put up one and this guy took it upon his honourable self to comment about my body. He goes "you need to do something about your body, you're looking like a potato now" First of all, boy please! Have you seen me naked? Ain't nothing potato about this. Then it doesn't stop there, he goes "you used to have Eiffel Tour legs, now you have Statue of Liberty legs", what the hell does that even mean? Where is the sense in that comment? And I'm not even close to this negro for him to be spewing out this. You people need to help me thank God for salvation and the companionship of the Holy Spirit because the response I wanted to give him ehn, chai....

All I'm trying to say is, stop being a monitoring spirit on my body weight and I speak for some when I say, your comment is really of no value. You know how we were taught "if you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything" when we were growing up? Apply that here. And watch what you say to people, if someone is struggling with their self confidence, you're only going to destroy it further. Thankfully, my identity is fully rooted in Christ, so I draw my confidence and value from what He has to say and not another human being. However, not everyone has come to that realisation, so please keep your weight comment to yourself except you're coming from a place of genuine concern for the person's health. And even with that, there are rules and guidelines that you should abide by. Having said that, I have come to the end of my rant. Thanks for your kind consideration.

Yours Truly, 
My-Fat-Ass-Is-Not-Your-Business
B

Stress Reliever


Is there a deadline to this adulting thing? Like can you call a time out? No?

Sigh

I feel like I've become a shadow of myself because I'm adulting now. So I don't think I ever updated on the blog that I got a job at a Management Consulting Firm (yaaaay). The downside is the workload is crazy and I feel like I'm drowning.

However this weekend, in what felt like a long time, I had fun. Starting from Friday, I went for a Femi Kuti concert at the Sheraton, And omg, being in the presence of an awesome legend like that was an amazing way to start the weekend. And then Saturday evening I spent with TDH (remember him? we'll come back to that) and then Sunday I went for this EAT event, which was basically live music and food and then a jazz festival after that. My weekend was pretty much packed but it was the right dose of fun I needed, to feel 24 again and not 44. Highlight of my weekend was going on the bouncy castle slide at EAT, my gosh, I felt like a kid again. Ps if you saw me at EAT being all undignified and carefree, don't judge me. That's not my real face oh -_-

Anyways, today I treated myself to a movie date and went to see Fantastic Beasts, (JK Rowling is a genius) which I absolutely loved. Not just the movie, but I absolutely enjoyed just being on my own at the cinema, laughing at the scenes and eating popcorn like someone who doesn't have a deadline tomorrow morning. And it got me thinking, I used to take myself out on dates a lot when I was in London, why did I stop? I dined myself out and bought myself all sorts of gifts for love's sake, so what happened? Before you start throwing out 'forever alone' vibes, let me tell you that my market is moving oh, very well sef. I'm single by choice lol. But yeah, I took a break from dating to enjoy my self and maximise my single season, so why the heck am I not dating the hell out of myself? Ps I need ideas on stress relievers. I have a mani/pedi date this weekend, which I'm really looking forward to.

Should I get into the TDH dilemma now? Feels like gist for another day LOL. One of my bestfriends once said I remind her of Mary Jane, I think I'm about to do a 'Being Mary Jane' marathon tonight.

Ps. Those of you who have been adulting longer, how do you do it? Any useful tips?

Saturday, 5 November 2016

Addicts Anonymous: Attention Whore


If ever there was a picture that described a situation so accurately, it would have to be this one. It probably summarises my whole life too. Here I am sitting down and wondering if I really want a relationship or just attention because if I've never mentioned it on here before, I'll do that again, I love attention.

Hi my name is Bondi and I'm an attention whore, not walk in a room and start acting up attention whore or tweet emotional stuff attention whore. No I'm an attention whore for my current love interest/crush. The problem is I get attention then get fed up of it and dump the attention giver and sulk for attention from a fresh source, get someone new and repeat the cycle again. Hence the AA meeting. Anyone on here relate?

And don't tell me to go to Jesus for attention, I know that and I've been trying to go to Him. If I'm being honest, sometimes you relapse to your old habits. I just don't know why it's hard to do the right thing. There's nothing worse than knowing the answer to your problem but refusing to accept it. I've used two guys for attention in the past month and I'm not proud of myself. I feel like I'm repeating the cycle but I don't want to stop. Why? What if it's a symptom for something deeper? oh my gosh, guys, what if I'm emotionally damaged? Who is going to marry me???????

Do they accept addicted attention whores at rehabs? 

Should I start one?

Who is going to answer all these questions????????

Sigh....