Monday, 27 January 2014

Second Chance, Is It Worth It?

I know there are countless sayings out there about giving people or things a second chance but does that also apply to relationships? 

I mean do people actually change that we feel we should give them a second shot? It wasn't only till a friend of mine found herself in this dilemma that I realised that I don't believe in second chances when it comes to relationships. I did try to give it a shot once with an ex boyfriend that I was mad about at the time. But I realised nothing was the same. No matter how I tried to tell myself that this time it would be different, somehow it just wasn't. 

Of course the excitement and expectations wouldn't be there. If he cheated I'll always flinch at very text he received. If she said she loved someone else, you would always eye every guy around her wondering who she's going to leave you for next. So no, for me personally I don't believe in second time rounds in relationships. After all it ended in the first place for a valid reason 

x

Monday, 20 January 2014

Naked


It's easy to take off your clothes
and have sex
People do it all the time
But opening your soul to someone
And letting them into
Your spirit, thoughts, fears,
Future, hopes and dreams...
That's being naked


Friday, 17 January 2014

The Little Things


It's the little things that count
The messages in the morning
The forehead kisses
Picking out the pickles from her burger
Leaving notes in random places
Remembering to record the game for him when he's away

It's reminding them of how much you love them
Rubbing her tummy when it cramps
Making him tea after a long stressful day
Giving a foot rub after hours of wearing heels
Curling up to watch TV on a cold day
Random kisses in random spots

It's taking a walk
Watching the sunset
Praying for each other
Being a backbone for the other
Having silent conversations
That's what matters

It's the little things that show how big the connection is
It's the little things that remind us of the love
When it feels like it's dying out
It's the little things that keep me loving you
It's the little things that I cherish
The little things are the big things

Clarity


Sometimes what a girl really needs is clarity. No jumbles, no messes, no mind games, no gaps... no bull crap, just clarity.

A sign
A message
Writing on the wall
Black and white
A trip to clear your mind
A haven to recline from the world

You can't always tell what's going on in your life, I know not everyone has it all together. But it wouldn't hurt if somedays it felt like you did. Or if it didn't feel like you were drowning in your thoughts. It wouldn't hurt if the voices in your head shut up once in a while with all the damn questions.

What am I doing?
What are we doing?
Is it worth it?
Are we going to survive this?
What if I get hurt?
The Whys, the Whats, The Ifs...

For once, just clarity
Clarity
Peace of mind
Serenity
Zen
Surely it's not just a myth?

Wednesday, 15 January 2014

Letter to My Unborn Daughter: Third Edition


Hi Angel, 
This would be the third letter I've publicly written to you on this blog and hopefully not the last. I still cant wait to meet you, even more every single time I listen to 'Blue' by Beyonce. 

Everytime the song comes on, I picture your face in my head. I have no distinct features such as brown eyes or curly hair or none of that stuff. When I picture you in my head, I picture perfection, I picture a masterpiece, I picture an angel. 

I can't wait to feel you growing in my tummy. The first time you kick me... The first time I sing to you, read to you or talk to you. These are cherished moments I can't wait to experience with you.

I can't wait to dress you up for no reason and admire you all day. I can't wait to crown you my princess. I can't wait to kiss your little feet and make you laugh till you turn red. I can't wait to run after you in gardens and parks and scold you when you've been naughty. 

I wonder if your nose would come out flat like mine did when I was born. Your grand ma said everyone always laughed at my nose but don't worry no one would laugh at yours cause I won't. 

I can't wait to hear you call my name. Oh how happy I would be, so happy I'll scoop you up, smother you in kisses and probably cry. 

It's funny I miss you even though I haven't met you yet. The things this song does to me. 

I love you baby and I can't wait to meet you. 

Love,
Mama

P.s Don't hurt soo much when you're coming out and I'll give you three free passes when you're a teen lol x

Tuesday, 14 January 2014

Temper


I think he knows.
I think he wants me to punch him. I'm so mad
I'm furious
I'm blinded with rage
My fists are soo hardened with the temptation to knock him out,
My knuckles feel like they are going to tear through the skin
I'm angry
But I don't want to give into the rage
As much as I would love to rearrange his beautiful facial features
There's an ongoing battle within me to retain composure

Breathe, Just breathe, I calmly tell myself
He hurt me, He pissed me off and broke my trust
But I'm not going to take my anger out on him
No, I'm going to smile at him
And let the guilt eat him from the inside out
Let the voices in his head confuse him on my reaction
I'm going to be sweet and pleasant
I'm not going to give into my primal nature
That wants to scratch his eyeballs out

1,2,3,4.... I'm slowly counting in my head
Gotta reach to ten before I open my mouth to respond
No vile words,
No violent action
A lady never loses composure
Breathe
In, Out
It would soon be over
10...
Fuck you! the words are out of my mouth before I realise it
Oh well atleast I tried...

What 2013 Taught Me


So this post might be a little over due, at least it's here. Sorry for the hiatus from blogging, I went home to Nigeria and had the busiest break. Should have been a break but I found myself driving from one event to another. Plus my friend got married!! I shall be posting pictures soon.

Anyways a new year is here again and I've been reflecting on my 2013 which was very eventful. I learned so much last year.

I learnt that sometimes you make mistakes, huge ones that could shatter your world and probably make you doubt your identity. But it's okay cause everyone needs this wake up call at some point in their life. And it's okay to cry and hurt because eventually you will heal.

I also learnt that family is the most valuable possession during that period, after your faith that is. I also learnt that not every friend is your friend. Well I always knew that, but when you have something devastating happen to you how many people can you openly tell without being judged? It got me reevaluating my friendships.

Like Madea said, some people are only in your life for a season. Last year I thought I was in love, made some stupid decisions to go along with that too. Careful what you make of love, lest it ruins you.

I learnt to value secret escapes. All the vacations I took came during challenging periods and it made me realise that there's nothing wrong with running away from your problems once in a while. As long as you come back to solve them. Everyone needs a break at some time or the other.

Most importantly I learnt that it's not the destination that counts but the journey. Everyone is a rush to get somewhere, do something and then it happens but we don't get the satisfaction we desire. I finished my undergrad but didn't feel half as satisfied as i thought I would, if anything it left me feeling empty. And then I regretted not doing so many things like taking a year abroad, mixing up with international students, taking more trips and exploring more cultures. Well except my second year, I felt more accomplished that year. So for my lat academic year/masters I've vowed to enjoy the journey and every other journey after that.

Oh well this might not make any difference to any one, truth is I can't sleep so I'm blogging instead... Anyhoo let's see what 2014 teaches me

xoxo